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Old 23rd December 2009, 14:03
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Some reflections on histrionic people:)

People who live with a histrionic personality disorder tend to be shallow and manipulative, albeit not in a malicious way. Their needs are simpler.

"Love me, and make me alive", - says a narcissist.
"Let me love you, be worthy of my love, and make me alive," - begs a borderline.
"Desire me, desire me, desire me, give me attention, more attention," - screams a histrionic person.

That's right - they don't feel alive unless others are sexually attracted to them - with some variations, so that they feel that they are a centre of attention - or they get bored and petulant, they tell stories of their conquests, of men/women who are entranced by them, of friends that live for their presence, etc, etc, - with more and more embellishing details, lying yet believing their lies themselves. No, they are not liars - they are deluded, and this is their primary defense against the existential pain that plagues all people with personality disorders.

It's easy to be taken in by a histrionic person - yet it tends not to last. Thus, you except a job of your dreams promised by a histrionic person - and find out that it's lousy and the pay is almost non-existent, you meet their supposed admirer - and see that the admirer cannot care less for them... the illusion shatters, but of course a histrionic person will never admit to her own shortcomings. As narcissists and borderlines, they are skilled at splitting and devaluing - a tell-tale sign would be a history of horrible people they left behind - lovers, friends, co-workers. A histrionic person gets insulted by the fact that she/he is not first person you think about at any given time - even if an acquaintance is only casual. They could be very giving, they can lavish others with gifts, attention, praise - but only for so long as they get attention back. The moment your attention is focused on other matters, the moment your deferential/admiring attitude fades - the connection is gone.

A histrionic person doesn't really rage, like borderlines and narcissists do - she pouts. Her emotions are fleeting and shallow, she does not get stuck in the past - but she may comment on how someone didn't make it to her wedding from across the world - and ceased to be her friend at this point. Her friendship or love, for all it's worth, is always given with many, many, many provisions. She claims that she gives unconditionally - but don't make a mistake by taking this statement at a face value. Her need to be a "queen" makes it very difficult to be her friend, co-worker, or lover.

Her behaviours are always somewhat provocative, have sexual innuendos, and are inappropriate. She is certainly not as good at seduction as narcissists or borderlines may be - but she is a heavy, into-your-face flirt. She will flirt with bosses and employees, with partners of her friends and random strangers - and heaven forbid that you take it a wrong way instead of acknowledging how adorable she is. A histrionic's devaluation is instant - she doesn't seek revenge, she doesn't attempt to make you regret your actions - she dismisses you. Perhaps it's not such a bad thing

Is there a hope for histrionics? Well, many of them, especially those who present at a lower end of spectrum, are truly adorable, great wives and mothers, charming hostesses, helpful friends. As long as you keep in mind that their outfit and their baking, their business and their looks are the best, the best, the best. And as long as you are not taken aback when a histrionic woman "accidentally" brushes your arm with her breasts or gets really close into your personal space. She might be not even making an overture - she is just proving to herself that she is desirable. If she is not - she does not exist. Those histrionics that are able to sublimate sexual desirability for other "accomplishments" - e.g., a great cook - do much better when they grow older.

My excursion into the realm of personality disorders is to be continued
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Old 23rd December 2009, 15:49
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

What's a histrionic and why are they still people. Sorry Solominka, your post is too long to be read Consider next time to shrinking it to 2-3 lines.
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Old 23rd December 2009, 16:46
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

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Originally Posted by Nucking Futs View Post
What's a histrionic and why are they still people. Sorry Solominka, your post is too long to be read Consider next time to shrinking it to 2-3 lines.

That's fine, darling, I write more for my own amusement than for any other purposes
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Old 23rd December 2009, 22:36
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

Holy nuts, I have all the disorders in the world, it seems.
Solominka, which diagnos suits your personality better?
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Old 24th December 2009, 18:52
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

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Holy nuts, I have all the disorders in the world, it seems.
Solominka, which diagnos suits your personality better?

Can you guess?
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Old 24th December 2009, 20:37
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

lets say you date a person that at some point you acknowledged been a histrionic one. is this a showstopper for you or giving that you found enough atraction you continue relationship implying the rules of histrionic game?
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Old 24th December 2009, 20:46
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

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lets say you date a person that at some point you acknowledged been a histrionic one. is this a showstopper for you or giving that you found enough atraction you continue relationship implying the rules of histrionic game?

Up to you If you can stomach it and take everything with a grain of salt - why the hell not?
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Old 25th December 2009, 18:39
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

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Originally Posted by Solominka View Post
Can you guess?

I think you're a mix.
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Old 25th December 2009, 18:47
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Drew View Post
lets say you date a person that at some point you acknowledged been a histrionic one. is this a showstopper for you or giving that you found enough atraction you continue relationship implying the rules of histrionic game?
How do you determine if you have enough attraction to a messed up girl not to stop dating her?
If she needed from you lots of admiration but you ran out of it, would you lie to her because you still wanna "relationship" her?
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Old 25th December 2009, 19:09
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessica Rabbit View Post
I think you're a mix.

Makes sense
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Old 1st July 2010, 04:05
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Red face Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

I'm actually a histrionic person (it actually kinda sucks to be one, I try to get more drama but then hate myself when I lie to the people I love to get it)
But I really don't wanna let it get in the way of my daily life.
How would you suggest trying to make it easier for me and my boyfriend to date? We get along really well already, and he makes the most of my seductive personality
But I know that further down the road, it'll start to cause lots of problems, and I really don't want to hurt him. Are there any ways in which I could help our relationship have the potential to last??
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Old 1st July 2010, 04:29
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

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Originally Posted by xxPERExx View Post
I'm actually a histrionic person (it actually kinda sucks to be one, I try to get more drama but then hate myself when I lie to the people I love to get it)
But I really don't wanna let it get in the way of my daily life.
How would you suggest trying to make it easier for me and my boyfriend to date? We get along really well already, and he makes the most of my seductive personality
But I know that further down the road, it'll start to cause lots of problems, and I really don't want to hurt him. Are there any ways in which I could help our relationship have the potential to last??


Yes, you can learn emotion regulation skills. I suggest you go to a therapist well-versed in DBT and ask for a "light" version. Sounds like you are functioning pretty well and you are aware of any potential for problems - you just need to sort it out and learn to tolerate distress and occasional inattention.

Being a histrionic person, you don't need to use it as an excuse to cheat on your bf - it's not an excuse. However, you'll always be flirtatious, and he would need to accept it, otherwise the two of you are up to a major heartache. Cooling it down with a help of a therapist sounds like a good option to me. Having in mind, that your bf seems to enjoy your personality, I suspect you won't have to change that much
Hope this helps.
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Old 1st July 2010, 15:21
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

I finally made it through the entire article (thanks to the slow day at work, perhaps?). Had no clue this was actually a psychological disorder but I think I personally know a couple of histrionic individuals. They basically live for attention. Their constant sexual innuendo references and, like you brilliantly underscored, "accidental" brushes with their breasts against my body parts make me so uncomfortable especially in the presence of their husbands. I wonder though if there's also a name for a disorder their husbands suffer from. Symptoms are: they are perfectly aware of their wife's open behavior (I mean you must be blind not to notice) but they don't seem to be doing anything about it.
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Old 1st July 2010, 17:11
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

This beat is, this beat is,
This beat is histrionic
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Old 1st July 2010, 21:08
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Re: Some reflections on histrionic people:)

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Originally Posted by Nucking Futs View Post
I finally made it through the entire article (thanks to the slow day at work, perhaps?). Had no clue this was actually a psychological disorder but I think I personally know a couple of histrionic individuals. They basically live for attention. Their constant sexual innuendo references and, like you brilliantly underscored, "accidental" brushes with their breasts against my body parts make me so uncomfortable especially in the presence of their husbands. I wonder though if there's also a name for a disorder their husbands suffer from. Symptoms are: they are perfectly aware of their wife's open behavior (I mean you must be blind not to notice) but they don't seem to be doing anything about it.

Well, some men get a kick from watching their wives having sex with someone else. Perhaps this is the case of the husbands you describe. Once again, let's say they don't get a kick - what would they do about their wives' behaviours except for leaving them??
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